6 Ways to Tell Your Partner What You Want in Bed

Talking about your desires in the bedroom can feel intimidating, but open communication is key to building intimacy and trust in a relationship. Sharing what you want—whether it’s trying something new, deepening your connection, or setting boundaries—helps both partners feel fulfilled and closer emotionally.

1. Create a Safe Space for the Conversation

Talking about intimacy requires trust and vulnerability, so choose a time and place where you both feel comfortable. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics in the heat of the moment or during an argument.

How to Do It:

• Start the conversation in a neutral, relaxed environment, like during a casual date night or while cuddling.
• Use open and inviting language, such as, “Can we talk about how we can make our time in bed even more exciting?”
• Reassure your partner that your intention is to strengthen your connection.

Why It Works:
When both partners feel safe, they’re more likely to listen and respond positively, making it easier to express your desires.

2. Use Positive Reinforcement

Instead of focusing on what you’re not enjoying, emphasize what you love and build on it. Positive reinforcement encourages your partner to explore new ideas without feeling criticized.

What to Say:

• “I really loved when you did [specific action]. It made me feel amazing!”
• “You’re so good at making me feel [emotion]. I’d love to try something that builds on that.”

Why It Works:
Highlighting what’s working well fosters confidence and opens the door to trying new things in a supportive way.

3. Be Clear About Your Desires

Ambiguity can lead to confusion, so be as specific as possible about what you want. Whether it’s a new position, a different pace, or experimenting with something outside your routine, clarity is key.

How to Phrase It:

• “I’d love to try [specific activity or fantasy]. How do you feel about that?”
• “Could we focus more on [specific area or action]? It really turns me on.”

Why It Works:
Being direct eliminates guesswork and helps your partner understand exactly what you’re asking for, making it easier for them to respond.

4. Use Non-Verbal Cues

If talking about your desires feels too daunting initially, you can use touch and body language to guide your partner. This approach can be a gentle way to introduce new ideas or preferences.

How to Guide Non-Verbally:

• Move your partner’s hand or adjust their position to show what feels good.
• Use sounds or moans to signal pleasure and encourage repetition of actions you enjoy.
• Try initiating something new yourself to demonstrate your interest.

Why It Works:
Non-verbal cues can be a subtle and intuitive way to communicate in the moment, especially when paired with verbal feedback later.

5. Use “I” Statements

When discussing sensitive topics like sexual desires, framing the conversation with “I” statements can prevent your partner from feeling blamed or inadequate.

Examples of “I” Statements:

• “I’ve been curious about [specific thing] and would love to try it with you.”
• “I feel really close to you when we [specific activity], and I think doing more of it would bring us even closer.”

Why It Works:
“I” statements focus on your feelings and desires, keeping the conversation positive and non-confrontational.

6. Explore Fantasies Together

Opening up about fantasies can make talking about desires feel less intimidating and more collaborative. Turn the conversation into an exploration of shared interests.

How to Explore Fantasies:

• Play a game where you each share one thing you’d like to try.
• Use a questionnaire or app designed for couples to explore preferences anonymously, then compare answers.
• Ask open-ended questions like, “Is there something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t?”

Why It Works:
Exploring fantasies together encourages mutual vulnerability and creativity, making it easier to talk about and act on your desires.

Final Thoughts

Expressing your needs and desires in bed is an essential part of maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. While it may feel uncomfortable at first, honest communication deepens intimacy and fosters mutual satisfaction.

Remember, your partner wants to please you just as much as you want to please them. Approach the conversation with kindness, patience, and an open mind, and watch your connection grow stronger.